I used to carry so much with me. Things. Emotions. Grudges. You name it, I've carried it.
Moving house was always such a chore because I had so much STUFF. I never really noticed it though, because to me, everything had a purpose, or a meaning, or a reason for existing in my life.
And I'm not just talking about the physical items I dragged around house to house. That goes for the emotional side of things, too. I always had a reason (or excuse) for needing to hold on to something, be it good or bad for me.
Example a; I held on to the hope, through the worst part of my illness, that I would recover and be able to sing again.
That's great! Gold star!
Example b; I held on to my grudge against one of my now best friends for years because I'd believed she'd wronged me beyond repair and I was justified in my dislike of her.
Not so great. (ps. Jem, I love you!)
Turns out not everything is worth holding on to.
Over the last 18 months, I have been slowly removing old baggage, emotional and physical, from my life. I started with the boxes of old stuff in my parents shed, moved on through the things I'd brought over from my last house, and finally began to sort through all the stuff I never thought I'd be able to shift: the emotional dead weight.
Quite literal dead weight, actually. Little known fact about me (up until a week ago, when I announced it to the world on Facebook) is that I have been carrying around the ashes of my dead dog for the last 14 years. True story.
Last week, I finally made peace with the fact that she has gone, and that holding on to the remnants of her physical self (quite literally no more than dust) was not helping me move forward in any way. So I made the choice to bury her.
It's strange to describe, but letting Sammy go and burying her on my parents farm (in the fire pit, 'cause she was so darn fiery!), felt incredibly symbolic, and almost ritualistic. I felt as if a great weight was lifted from my shoulders, one that I didn't even know was there until it was gone. I'll always love my Sammy, but breaking that habit, clearing away that old hurt, started a huge shift in my thinking.
Letting go of things is something I have really had to work on, but now I'm finding it easier and easier with every time I practise it. Strangely enough, the more I "let go" of things that aren't necessary to my life and my dreams, the more I am filled up with things that are.
I am surrounded by people who love and support me. I encounter opportunities, and recognise them, every day. I am more blessed in my life with the possibility of success than I ever have been.
Maybe letting go of old hurt, pain, or clutter is just a chance to make room for new, positive experiences and things in my life. Who knew!
I'm never going back. The past is in the past. Let it go!